"Directing a Musical"

So... this past weekend, I went to a workshop which was called, "Directing a Musical." I was really excited to get some good practical info that will help me as I plan for this Spring's musical at school.  And I did get some good practical info from the morning part of the session- we learned things like how to hold effective auditions, how to pick a good musical, etc...
Before I tell you about the afternoon part of the session, let me tell you about the people putting on this workshop. The leader was a British lady who is a professional director. Then there were 2 professional actors. All of these people had done the whole NY thing, and then traveled around the country doing shows, etc.
And then there were 4 of us teachers attending.
Anyway, when Brian texted me at lunch to ask how it was going, I responded that it was going great! I was really enjoying it. Little did I know what the next activity was going to be.
Acting.
I can't do it. I don't know how. I don't even understand the mental capacity to be someone else outside of yourself.  It is so weird- like I have this huge block in my brain that won't let me pretend to be someone else.
So, the first acting exercise we have to do is a combat scene. Whatt??? So, the guy gets me to come up and I am supposed to lay on the ground and react as he pretends to kick me 4 times.  Then, he tells us to all act like we are getting shot. Then like someone is yanking our hair. Then like someone is banging our head against a wall. This was all sooooo much fun. And by that I mean it was stupid.
THEN we had to get in pairs and WRITE a scene (in 5 minutes) using ALL of these moves we had just done. Whattt? With dialogue and everything, you ask? Yes! And the woman I was with decided she wanted to do a scene where I had stole her man, so she is cussing me out and grabbing my hair. Yay.  I try to go along with it ( I CERTAINLY had NO ideas of how to write a combat scene) and act dramatic but ohhh... it was bad. Of course we had to come back in and perform it in front of the professionals. Fun.
THEN, the professional actor lady gets up to try something new with us. She wants to use the story of Robinhood as our basis, and each of us will be a character. I chose Friar Tuck, so I wouldn't have to cuss or be cussed out (hopefully). She wants us to stand up and start walking around the room- go to a corner and then back to the middle, to a different area of the room and back to the middle.  So, she starts telling us to breathe deeply as we walk and smell what we can. Then notice all the colors. Then think about how those colors make us feel. Then show on our body how the colors make us feel (Whaattt?) Then, as you walk, let one part of your body start leading you as you walk around. (The funniest ones in that activity were the people who let their heads lead them around- they looked like they were gonna plow into something :-) ) And then, she wanted us to let that walk become part of our character so we could really start to "feel" the character. And lastly, we were told to start talking as our character. So, 4 people were walking around the room with various body parts leading, talking to ourselves.
To my dramatic friends, this probably sounds fun. To someone who can't act and has to do this in front of professionals, or in front of anyone that is older than the age of 10, this is ummmmm... not fun. The feeling of embarrassment stayed with me all weekend. seriously.
So, I was thinking about it and wondering why the heck I couldn't just let it all go realize I will never see these people again.. I was wondering if insecurity is still as alive in me as it was in 7th grade?

What I have decided is that in certain facets of life, I have, by God's grace, overcome insecurities. For instance, singing in public. (Although not making the Sojourn band kkkinda hurt) But, I sing all day almost every day at school. It is my job- I love it - and I don't think what people say could really ever stop me singing.  Another insecurity that is gone- talking to strangers, meeting new people. This is something I feel pretty happy about doing these days. There is a certain point of "awkward..i don't want to do this.." that you just push through and it is so great a feeling to not listen to the fear.
But... apparently ( "well, obviously" as antoine would say) there is some insecurity that remains. I pray that the Lord makes this verse below more real to my heart everyday until I fear no man, but trust in Him in EVERYTHING- even looking stupid in front of people. :-)

"Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety." Proverbs 29:25


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I thought this post needed a picture, so this is a picture of me sitting on my couch, telling you this story. Thanks for listening :-)